


In his own words

by Chaotic_Dreamer



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Love, Marriage Proposal, Memories, childhood crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotic_Dreamer/pseuds/Chaotic_Dreamer
Summary: "When people ask me what you mean to me, there is so much I could tell them. We haven't exactly had a normal time of things, have we?" The congregation chuckled, his love smiled softly at him. "I suppose, in an effort to simplify things, it started as a crush..."On the day of his wedding Renji takes a look back.
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Rukia
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7
Collections: The Seireitei Server Valentine's Writing and Art Challenge 2021





	In his own words

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Seireitei's Discord Sever's Valentine's Writing and Art Challenge. The prompt I chose was "It's just a crush", however, there are a few "memories" thrown in.

He stared at the cards in his hand, perfectly formed characters symbolising his love, his desire, his thoughts and feelings. But they weren’t his thoughts and feelings, they were the words of others. Of his friends, the people he called a family. He was hopeless when it came to this sort of thing, so he had reached out to them in the hopes of having a speech he could be proud of. But as he stood there, palms clammy, the characters blurring on the card in front of him, he found he couldn’t bring himself to say the words that had been written for him. Instead, he slipped the cards up the sleeve of his kimono and grabbed the hands of the woman in front of him.  
  
“When people ask me what you mean to me, there is so much I could tell them. We haven’t exactly had a normal time of things have we?” The congregation chuckled, his love smiled softly at him. “I suppose, in an effort to simplify things, it started as a crush...”

* * *

“I say we let her stay.”  
  
“You're just saying that because she’s a girl.”  
  
“I think you’ll find that she more than saved our butts back there. Renji what do you think?”  
  
Renji hadn’t been listening. He was too busy watching the newcomer out of the corner of his eyes. The first thing that came to mind was that she was short, easily the shortest out of all of them, and despite the fact that she could easily handle her own, there was a sensitive side to her as well.  
  
“Soul society to Renji!” The accompanying punch to his arm was enough to pull him back to the group.  
  
“Huh?” He blinked and looked at his friends. “Sure whatever,” whatever they had planned, Renji usually agreed with. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, just that he didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t been listening. He turned back to look at the small female. His lips twisting into a small smile as he saw her hand a small child her share of the confetti sweets they had stolen.  
  
“You like her...” It wasn’t a taunt, or a jeer and Renji looked at Fujimaru. Out of the four of them, he was the second tallest beside Renji himself, and the one who was more grounded than their friends.  
  
“What?” He laughed, loudly and obnoxiously, causing the other kids in their squat to look at him in interest and he blushed when he noticed a pair of violet eyes also looking at him curiously. “Nah, don’t be stupid, she’s just...” But what was she exactly? Renji floundered with his words, unable to describe what it was about this girl that caused him to watch her, that caused him to want to protect her from the hovel of a district they lived in.  
  
Fujimaru chuckled knowingly and slapped his back. “Well when you figure it out let me know, she’s hanging out with us so you’ve got some time at least.”  
  
Renji felt his heart stop. Is that what they had discussed and what Renji had unwillingly agreed to? Letting this outsider into their little gang? It made sense, she did save their lives back there, and she seemed nice enough. She was strong as well, had a much better mastery over her spiritual power than Renji had, got hungry quicker than he did too. Why shouldn’t she stay with them? He smiled at the prospect of spending more time with her and Fujimaru’s words circled around him. Did he like her? Of course, he liked her, he didn’t hate her, he was also a little bit jealous of her. Of how easily she’d slotted into their little gang and the kids they lived with. But that didn’t mean that he _liked_ her, did it? All being well, this would just be a crush, a crush that would fade in a few days...

* * *

“I definitely didn’t hate you, jealous of you, yes, still am If I’m being honest” he chuckled and she rolled her eyes at him. “But I didn’t hate you, if I came across as aloof and rude then I’m sorry. Things got better though, especially when it was just us. I think the defining moment for me when I finally realised, was when you left and when I let you leave...”

* * *

His heart twisted in his gut as he walked away from her, he hated the fact that she had to leave, but this was her chance. The chance to not be the girl from the slums, the chance to grow and become a better person. Renji wished she didn’t have to leave, he wished she would just stay with him and they could figure it out together. He’d have no chance now, they were from different worlds. But as much as he didn’t want to leave her, or her to leave him, it was for the best. Who was he to stand there and hold her back?  
  
His friends knew the leave had hit him harder than he’d admit. That the loss of his childhood friend had left a hollow-like hole in his heart. Throughout their time at the academy, they stayed close to him and supported him, even after graduation. Of course, it was easy when they were all in the same division together. But even they grew apart. Each heading to a different division, each with a different goal in mind.  
  
“You know Abarai,” Izuru said thoughtfully on the last night the three of them were to be in the same division together. “Whilst most would take the loss as a weakness, why not take it as a strength?”  
  
Renji looked at the blonde, confused. “Are you drunker than I at this point?” He asked, making a move to relinquish the bottle of sake the slighter man was holding.  
  
“No,” Izuru frowned. “At least I hope not...” he trailed off, his grip loosening on the bottle allowing Renji to take it and put it out of reach. When did he become the responsible drunk?  
  
They sat in silence, the three of them contemplating where their paths would take them. Renji to the eleventh: rowdy and disorganised. Izuru to the fourth, the complete opposite with poise and grace and Momo, staying where she was, holding down the fort the two males were leaving.  
  
“You distracted me,” Izuru said suddenly making Momo jump and Renji look at him, a bemused look on his face. “I was telling you to take the opportunity.”  
  
“What opportunity?”  
  
“To get stronger.”  
  
Momo, less drunk them then both nodded in agreement. Catching on to what the other was saying. “Train to prove your worth.”  
  
Izuru nodded, a blush adorning his cheek, pleased that at least someone had managed to understand him in his slightly inebriated state.  
  
“Who am I proving my worth to? Captain Aizen?” He pulled a face. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the man, he was nice enough, and he did help them when they were first years in the academy. Instead, Renji found that he didn’t agree with Captain Aizen's methods, the eleventh was much more suited for him. More liberating.  
  
“No” Izuru shook his head, whilst Momo nodded enthusiastically.  
  
“Yes,” they looked at each other, confused before they realised that whilst Momo had understood what Izuru had been trying to say, she had interpreted it differently.  
  
Renji watched them, waiting patiently for someone to explain what they were thinking. They looked as though they were having a silent conversation, eyebrow wiggles and subtle hand gestures before Momo’s lips formed a small ‘o’ in understanding and she deferred to the taller boy to explain.  
  
“Kuchiki,” it wasn’t so much of an explanation, but more of a name. One Renji wasn’t expecting.  
  
“What about him.”  
  
“Prove to him you are worthy.”  
  
“Why would I...” the kan dropped and Renji blushed. “Wait no, that’s not... I’m not... she’s not...” he was at a lost for words, not knowing what he could say in order to explain what he meant. He didn’t know what he meant, which was why he couldn’t explain it.  
  
Momo looked at him knowingly, eyebrow raised, a smirk on her lips.  
  
Izuru chuckled. “I think that about says it.” Renji scowled at him, still blushing. “You’re being transferred to a division that is known for their strength and skills. Instead of moping about it like you have for the last ten or so years, why don’t you take the opportunity given to you and train to get her back.”  
  
“I...” Renji was still at a loss for words, but Izuru had a point. All this time he’d been moping around, regretting letting her go, he probably hadn’t been much company in the years since her departure, yet his friends were still here, supporting him and giving him the advice he needed. However, it wasn’t her he needed to prove himself to. It was her brother. He shook his head softly, a smile forming on his lips as the idea that Izuru was oh so subtly trying to give him finally formed in his mind. What could go wrong? He would train, he would learn and he would fight to be worthy. If it all went wrong then what did he have to lose? After all, this was only just a crush...

* * *

“At first I thought I was still in denial, but after everything, we been through, every trial and tribulation, every obstacle the universe has thrown at us, we’ve climbed and we emerged, although not unscathed, and it’s these memories that remind me why I’m here. Why I’m standing in front of you, laying my heart and life bare for you. In the years I’ve known you, I’ve come to realise that we’re not the kids we once were, we’ve grown stronger, physically and mentally. There’s always going to be the small niggle of doubt that perhaps I’m not worthy. That perhaps there is someone out there who is better than I. But then I look at you, I look at the sparkle in your eyes, the shine of determination, of love and justice and the kindness that you show to everyone. And I say let the doubters come, the naysayers and the non-believers for this isn’t just a crush anymore Kuchiki Rukia, it’s love. Complete and unfiltered love. I love you my wife and I’m never letting you go again.”  
  
Rukia looked up at her husband, smiling behind teary eyes at his speech. He’d never been one for words of eloquence, she knew the cards he’d stuffed up his sleeves had been the byproducts of his friends and their captains, but the words he’d spoken as his vow, his proclamation of his love for her had held such raw emotion. He’d laid himself bare for her and she couldn’t be prouder of him. She chuckled softly and shook her head at him.  
  
“You’re a fool Abarai Renji, an absolute fool, but I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love you, for now, and forever, thank you for never giving up on me.”  
  
Renji smiled, to those close enough to the couple they would see the tears in his eyes, tears of joy and love as he leant forward and captured her lips in a kiss. Throughout the congregation made up of friends and family a whisper of love was passed around, of congratulations and of pride as the two consummated their marriage with a kiss.  
  
“I love you,” he whispered lifting her up so their faces were level with each other and spinning her around to the cacophony of cheers and whistles from their friends in celebration. “I love you so much.”  
  
Rukia smiled at him, pressing their foreheads together, her violet eyes gazing adoringly into his brown. "Fool," she chuckled. "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't half leave things to the last minute *sweatdrops* Shout out to my sister who helped me come up with the title, and the fact that she said she got teary eyed listening to me read it, means that I hope you do to? Maybe? I cried a little writing it but I'm a sap haha.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and may you all have a lovely day.
> 
> N x


End file.
